I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
