Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I love you. Go after that dick
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
