I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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