I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
