I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Two words: blizzard sex
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
