Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize