Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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