when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
