shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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