I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
