my soul wont recognize me after tonight
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
