So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
