you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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