and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
