Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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