3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize