I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
She's the barista slut.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
