I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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