this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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