It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
