tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
