what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
