what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
