Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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