I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
