someone threw a dead crab at me
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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