I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
