I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
