Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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