Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
