I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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