have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
