found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
