And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I have fence marks all over my body
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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