Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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