dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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