1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize