Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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