Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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