and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
