i permit you to call me
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
