don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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