Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
