Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Ketchup is God's man juice
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
