Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
