when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
