i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
