So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
