I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize