I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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