when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
