You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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