the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
