Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
