his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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