Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
