hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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