dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
he thought i was a dude.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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