There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
