my soul wont recognize me after tonight
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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