I cockslap morals
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
