I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize