if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
