it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
