Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
