so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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