what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
