I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize