So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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