to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
