and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
he just fucked me for my cheese..
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize