yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
we have officially lost it.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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