his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
