I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
