If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
