I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
