mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize