and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
