Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
