thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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