I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
