you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
