I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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