I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
