How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
