I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize