Got a toothbrush?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
