Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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