I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
