Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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