It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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