so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize