i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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