just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
