Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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