new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
