According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
