clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
