and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize