i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
