Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
