Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize