You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
