both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
