The maid of honor just puked.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
