I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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