You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
