Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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