Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
