I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
