There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
