That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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