Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
you had me at cake vodka
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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